The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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