She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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