I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
