No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
