i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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