I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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