It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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