I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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