I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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