i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
