Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
