Princesses don't give blow jobs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
