wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
