Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
