I wish I only lived at night.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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