I'd wear matching sweaters with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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