Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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