Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
