its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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