Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's blow job season.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
