so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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