Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
