GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
