I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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