You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
