a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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