i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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