I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
