Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
