I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
