I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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