Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
