just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
