i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
