Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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