dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
