Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
