Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
