My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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