I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
