I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
