my vag is so smooth its legendary
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
