why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
