Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
