Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
