and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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