If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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