you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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