You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize