Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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