Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Where is the hickey?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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