Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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