i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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