coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
