I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
