Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
