All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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