His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
