Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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