I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
