omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
