did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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