he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
