I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
